I really hate to do this, but...
Yeah, so there's been a conflict within my suite...related to rooming next year....who's rooming with who...and it's a big mess...
I realized it's wrong...I can't talk about this on here...I realize that I don't live up to my view of fuck-it-all-I-don't-care-what-anyone-thinks-I'll-write-whatever-I-want...
I'm the type of person that doesn't want to step on anyone's toes (that's why I would be a horrible businessman, I'm not ruthless enough)...I often get stuck in the middle of things...
I can't spill my heart onto this journal anymore...for fear that it would be read and seen by others that SHOULDN'T be reading it...yeah, I've come to this realization...what....like after 3 years of blogging...yeah...brilliant...I'm slow, give me a fucking break...
My views have changed...I realize now that a journal has to be personal and private...otherwise you will automatically censor yourself and you won't go "all out"...you hold yourself back...you don't actually say what you really want to say...and that's not what true writing should be...
And sometimes I feel like a goldfish in a fish bowl...(kind of like a lost soul, swimming in a fishbowl, year after year)...
I might keep a regular journal...good ole' pen and paper...but then there are different risks involved with that...
It seems to be the best option though...I don't know...
Maybe one day people can see it...
Yeah...one day...
"My life ain’t no holiday
I’ve been through the point of no return..."
~New Order, "Vanishing Point"
posted by Julian @ 1:40 AM
2 Comments:
Wow, young man, are you a spy or something? You seem so paranoid! I think that if you are going to say something mean about someone, say it to their face, then feel free to write it down. Even though I am a christian, and I try my hardest to see the best in everyone I meet. It's not possible, some people are just jerks! Some things, like personal secrets someone has told you, should never be repeated. Your own thoughts though? Never be afraid, unless some government is looking for you? I don't know, this is just my opinion, but after I've said a thing, I'll either stand by it, or apologise if I've hurt someone elses feelings. Your blog is kinda interesting by the way.
JULES!!!
Don't worry man it'll all work out. And as far as the roomate deal, as long as you're still cool with everyone it doesn't have to be a big deal. You'll still be at the same school and will still be able to see each other everyday. So don't make a big deal out of this or it will just make you feel more and more like shit. And I'm sure these guys wont drag you into the middle of all this unless they are assholes, cause friends don't do that shit and shouldn't force you to have to choose between them. Anyway to borrow a quote from Harold and Kumar:
"No sense getting all riled up every time...[someone]...give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should"
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